self conscious

last weekend, my dad wat open house on saturday....saturday tu jgk skool aku wat hari koko n softball team dpt team terbaik tuk 2011 (so dpt la sedikit token from skool hehe)

hari koko abis kul 12.30, blik je umah...bersiap n trus blik ke simpang rengam... wpun aku cube blik cpt tp smpai kt spg rgm pun dh mencecah kul 3 petang... penat jgn cerita la...tp tuk menjayakan open house my dad, aku gagahi jugak...

sampai je aku tgk ramai makcik2 aku belah ayah aku...sibuk dok bergambar sesama sendiri...lps aku salam sume...aku ajak hubby n anak2 aku makan....tp lum sempat aku nk makan...makcik2 aku n beberapa tetamu nk blik...so aku pun pergi la berjumpe untuk bersalam dgn mereka...

dlm family aku bkn seorg yg byk ckp lau nk di compare ngan akak aku...aku mmg pendiam especially lau aku xde kene mengena ngan cite atau perkara yg diorg bincangkan...so dlm kalangan saudara mara aku mmg la dilabel berat mulut...bkn sombong tp aku xtau nk ckp ape...so lbh baik diam kan...tp diam aku sering disalah tafsir..tp hari tersebut mmg aku xleh nk diam dh...aku mmg outspoken abis...

macam mane aku xangin satu badan....dh la jumpe aku sekali sekala...tp komen aku mcm2...yg pling aku xleh tahan statement diorg "gemuknye ko ni" astagfirullah....waktu tu mmg aku xleh control perasaan aku ni....so sorry sgt....wpun korang lagi tua dari aku...tp i have to voice myself out....
i never felt so irritating than before, i love myself n my body, and i am very confident the way that i am... everyone is different, ade yg lps bersalin leh kembali ke shape yg asal...dlm kes aku ni...i've tried but ni jela figure yg aku leh maintain....but it is not the important matters...im happy with my life and kenapa nk komen camtu...it was not the first time...everytime lau aku jumpe makcik2 aku ni and jiran2 kt rumah parents aku ni...i will get the same statement...
gemuk sgt ke aku ni???
adoi...
so finally the explosion burst out....aku reply "eh korang dtg ni semata2 nk ckp buruk psl aku ke?xfikir ke aku ni kecik ati ke x? fikirla sikit perasaan org dan fikir la ape yg korang nk ckp tu menyakitkan hati atau x...jgn main ckp je..." lps aku ckp, makcik2 aku reply "ala gurau2 pun xleh ke?"
" ni bukan gurau...ada byk bende lain bleh wat gurau"
"ala...lau ko terasa maknanya mmg betulla ko gemuk"

aku trus masuk rumah, aku masuk bilik n i was crying over things that very ridiculous....bodohkan...

but somehow, kdg2 kita xleh nk terima apa yg org lain ckp wpun deep down inside kita cube kuatkan semangat kita....

so aku dpt pengajaran dari apa yg berlaku
1- jgn dengar apa org ckp yg purposely mmg nk sindir kita...coz in the end kita yg merana n sakit hati
2- sesetengah orang mmg xleh tgk kita senang...
2- jgn melawan dgn org cmni...we look stupid as they are

the only person that cheer me up is my hubby...he said
" you are the same person that i met 11 years ago...still amazing like before...don't bother what other people said about u...in the end...you are with me....as far as i love u and your kids love you...that's really matters..."
TQ bie...again for cheer me up...

p/s- aku jrg low self-esteem cmni...its really sucks!!!