we deserved a respect

****this article was taken from a random pick through website***


From where we belong....we deserved a respect

I admit... my past was not as happy as  I wanted to be.. and because of that... I don't know how to react in certain situations...

As I remembered I'm not familiar with childhood games, most of it I learned in school with friends...

I'm not  pampered by my parents especially my mum.. she completed all the house chores but most of times, there
were no conversation between us... I never asked anything from her because she was fierce all the times and she never listen what I wanted to say and end up I will be silent.

My dad on the other hand, a very caring person... I know he loves me so much. I remember one time, I did mentioned his name as my idol because he is the one who encourage me to continue my reading because I like reading. but my mum couldn't accept it because I only mentioned my dad and not her... but at that time I don't understand...

Most of the time, I will tell my dad, all of my problems... My dad was my savior.. even when I had a period pain, I will tell to my dad instead to my mum because she will scolded me saying that I was pretending... but I still don't understand...

Until I met my husband... I fall for him my entire lives because he is the one who can understands me well after my dad... I loves him so much but because I was born and raise by my mum to always kept quiet and never say anything...I let myself to be silence and hard to speak up my mind...

I asked my father to get married to my husband and my dad agree n also my mum.. but when it was time for preparation...my mum not even interested to help for my wedding... at that time, my sister came for a rescue... I never thanked enough for her... my mum cried everyday not because she was happy for me but because she was tired to prepare for my wedding...but I still don't understand...

The wedding ceremony took place and it was a very sad ceremony...everybody is crying... but I still don't understand why...

This year marked my over 10 years of marriage and had a bunch of wonderful children...

Then suddenly...I realized something
Yes...what happened in your past sometimes will carry the way you be in the future...

Because of when I was a child, I never had opportunity to hear my mum said that she loves me...so now I don't know how to say I love you
to my children...

In the past, All I can remember that my mum always scolded me, hit me.. she never hug me, or pat me when I do something good.. So now I don't know how to react when my children say they loves me n always hug me...

The critical part is when others treat me well, I don't know how to evaluate and most of it I don't know how to react. I found it sometimes they try to convince me or just to make me feels better...

That is why... I stated clearly... what we were in the past will affect us in the future BUT it doesn't mean he/she don't have feelings at all...

In my case, I don't know how to respond because I don't have my past... I couldn't recall anything from my past...
So please don't judge me the way I am.. I know I might hurt other people's feeling especially my husband and my husband's family...but my child memories was not the same as all of you...

I don't blame my mum.. I know in the past.. she had her difficult time too.. but the point that I brought here is to clear the air and my surrounding... lesson makes us a better person... but as for me... lesson taught me to be different and changes take times... don't ask me to be just like you because my life in the past was different from you.

I really hope I will be treated equally as I know I am lack of everything... I don't know anything about love, hugs and kisses, comforting other people's feelings, be sympathy and empathy... I just have what I have now... I'M TRYING to fit in...